An open letter

Dear Male Authors:

Please stop trying to look brooding and stern in author photos. You don't look brooding and stern*--you look silly and affected. And sometimes constipated. And occasionally like giant douchebags. Try smiling once in a while. I bet you'd be pretty if you smiled.



*Unless you're Richard Marcinko. His glare kind of scares me a little.

Kino-running, ultimate masochism edition

I got stood up by my gaming group tonight, so in a fit of book-avoiding masochism I turned on G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Oh, reader. Why do I do these things?

The first two thirds of this movie weren't actually as bad as I'd expected. Chris Eccleston was as adorable as ever--with bonus Cobraspotting accent--proto-Cobra was remarkably competent, and there was a hot Destro/Baroness/Storm Shadow vibe going on. (I am an oldschool Destro/Baroness shipper, and normally nothing could fuck with that OTP, but for Byung-hun Lee I'll make an exception.) And Joseph Gordon-Levitt seemed to be having fun with his lines, which is all you can do in that situation.

But, oh, the horrible, awful, nogood backstory they slapped on the Baroness. The only thing worse than killing the bad girl is to "redeem" her in a way that removes all of her agency. I hope the writers can feel me force-choking them, wherever they are.

And goddamn it! I want Cobra Commander screaming "DESTRO!" That is what he does. I wonder if JGL would do that for me, if I ever meet him...

This affront to the Baroness and my childhood must be answered. It'll have to get in the queue with the other angry refutation novels I need to write.

Choose leisure wear and matching luggage

I'm watching Trainspotting now, to ease my pain. Something has to.