--I blinked, and the raindrops collecting on my lashes joined their brethren streaming down my face. Arket stamped a hoof as broad as my hand against the sodden ground. Behind me and to the right, saddle leather creaked as Irie shifted from one hip to the other and sighed. Horse brasses jingled. Irie drummed a wet percussion against Dahl's neck.--
I look at this, the first paragraph from my WIP, and while it does some of what Chelsea pointed at in her posts, I can see what she means...because the second paragraph is where the real meat of the story begins, and I need to get the two working together better.
I wish I had handy the story I finished before starting work on this one; I'll have to look at that opening paragraph once I get back to my home computer. My recollection is that it works better to pull it all together than this one does. But recollections are known to be flawed. >;-]
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timeasmymeasure
First Words' Power
Date: 2005-08-10 04:58 pm (UTC)I look at this, the first paragraph from my WIP, and while it does some of what Chelsea pointed at in her posts, I can see what she means...because the second paragraph is where the real meat of the story begins, and I need to get the two working together better.
I wish I had handy the story I finished before starting work on this one; I'll have to look at that opening paragraph once I get back to my home computer. My recollection is that it works better to pull it all together than this one does. But recollections are known to be flawed. >;-]
Chris